13 Things I’d Do If I Got Google Glass

1. Spice them up.

Right now, let’s be honest, they look sort of dweeby. I think they could use a little styling.

2. Listen to Daft Punk all the time.

I’m sorry, is there a better soundtrack for feeling like you’re in THE FUTURE?

3. Have a headache, probably.

Listen, I’ve had glasses since the fourth grade. My vision is TERRIBLE. It’s pretty unlikely that they’ll ever make prescription Glass, and I can’t imagine having your eyes go in and out of focus all day is fun for your brain space, so, I’ll take one pair of the grey Google Glass and a lifetime supply of Aleve.

4. Never drink alone again.

Two words: Google Hangout.

5. Lie about drinking alone.

Hey, it’s Friday. Other people might be busy and unable to get to a computer. But the bartender can’t see what’s going on behind that weird tiny screen. Tell him you’re at a bachelorette party. Another gin and tonic, please, good sir.

6. Blame Glass for clumsiness.

“Sorry, Glass told me to walk in the direction of this doorway.”

7. Destroy EVERYONE at pub trivia.

No phones, no computers. It’ll be AT LEAST a year before they feel inclined to say “No Google Glass.” Reap those bartab benefits, friends.

8. I don’t really drink that much.

Lots of these involve alcohol. I thought I’d take this moment to tell you that I’m actually not much of a drinker, but…

9. If I was, we could have an intervention over Google Glass.


10. Accidentally share all my secrets.

“Glass, is it normal for (insert embarrassing medical question here).”

11. Does it have headphones?

This isn’t a thing I would do with them, just genuinely wondering if there’s a sound component. If not…

12. Add headphones.

I could watch music videos at the same time, which would probably lead to an increase in dance walking.

13. Lose them somewhere.

Let’s be honest. The only reason I haven’t lost my regular glasses is because I ACTIVELY need them to see. There’s a pretty good chance I’d have a really great sneeze, fling off my Google Glass and they’d be gone forever.

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